Friday, December 02, 2005

How To Start a Presidential Speech

Quick quiz, two questions.

1. You're the president of the United States. Two and a half years after your invasion of Iraq has led to the deaths of more than 2,000 members of the U.S. armed forces, and one year after your campaign disparaged the military service of a decorated veteran of the U.S. Navy, how do you start your speech at the U.S. Naval Academy outlining your strategy for victory in Iraq:

a) Thank you for that gracious welcome. Your discipline and comportment only confirm my long-standing regrets that I myself never enlisted as a young man.
b) Thank you very much. I know how hard each and every one of you worked to attend the Naval Academy and avail yourself of the unique opportunities offered here, so I won't keep you longer than I have to.
c) Thank you for that warm welcome. It's not much of a secret that I didn't exactly apply myself when I had access to some fine educators, and you have access to some unparalleled instructors here, so I hope you'll keep that in mind when you head back to class.
d) Thanks for the warm welcome. It's good to be back at the Naval Academy. I'm pleased to provide a convenient excuse for you to miss class.

2. You're the president of the United States. On the occasion of World AIDS Day, how do you begin your remarks on a still-incurable disease that has killed millions of people:

a) Thank you very much. I want to thank my wife for introducing me. As she mentioned, the federal government next year will double its spending on AIDS research.
b) I want to thank my wife for that introduction, and for making the point that we can no longer allow personal religious beliefs to influence policy decisions on how we prevent the transmission of AIDS.
c) Thank you, Laura. Thank you all for being here. As you know, AIDS is no laughing matter.
d) Thank you all. How about my line of work, where you get introduced by your wife? (Laughter.)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I like your intros for some speeches .

Newer Post Older Post Home